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Continuing from where I left off in my previous post "The Abyss… A Place Where Light is Scarce". Today I take a step back and attempt to describe my descent into the Abyss. So what drives a man (or woman) to willingly go into an unpleasant place; a place full of loneliness, and darkness. Think of it as a place where one's voice can not be heard, where you may find yourself disconnected from the rest of the world. A place where you cry out for help but none is there to lend a desperately needed hand. I speak of a place where you know what you are trying to say but can’t seem to bring others to understand your thoughts because your surroundings lack the medium to get your words across.
Initially, as I got ready to descend, I take a deep breath and think about the adventure I am about to embark on! As I dove into the deep, I was memorized by the beauty that surrounded me. "The light from above still lights my path", I remember thinking as I took time to take in the initial experience. A sense of adventure and happiness came over me; I rejoiced with my fellow divers about the experience before one of them prompts us to continue to descend. At first thought, I said to myself, "No! Not yet!" I was not ready. I wanted to stay where we were. As the first diver continued to descend, I noticed that his image was fading into the dimmed seas. This diver seemed to descend very quickly. I tried to stop him but he could not understand me.
As the time continued, I was no longer in awe of any of the things I had just been so happy and exited about. I became curious; I noticed some of the divers were within meters from me. I gave into my curiosity and eagerness for adventure... I gave into the thought of chasing that initial experience. So I descended to join the rest of my group. The descent was slow; I was once again taking in everything I was able to see. While initially skeptical, I soon noticed that the light traveled down just fine. However, at this depth, I was unable to appreciate anything from a distance. I had to disregard my safety in order to get the same level of excitement. Nevertheless, I regained a "sense" of excitement and happiness once more in the companionship of the more "adventurous" divers.
After some time, I started to notice that it was harder to breath at the depths that I found myself in. I felt as if I was not getting enough oxygen into my lungs; I became aware of the pressure that the depths were putting on my body. I started to panic and attempted to ascend. But a fellow diver grabbed on to my leg and signed to hold on. As I turned to him, he started to coach me. I could not understand what he was saying to me but I was able to imitate him. Moments later, the panic attack left me and I started to feel a sense of peace. Turning back, and looking up, I noticed that it was OK. "I am not too far from the top", I thought to myself. Needless to say, I felt in control.
The descent continued and everything continued to be a surreal experience. However, the lack of light did not allow us to get as much excitement as we had when we first started to descend. At this point, I note that some divers start to ascend; some stay at the same depth, others go to the initial depth and a few other just go back to the top not wanting to continue on. As time goes on, I see a diver falling back into the depths of the abyss. As I tried to hold on to him I come to know that he had an unfortunate end. His air tank was empty; he was unable to make it to the top. Another seems to have the same fate, but there is air in his tank; he seems to have tried to reach the top too fast. Unable to allow his body to gradually decompress from the pressures of the seas, he becomes paralyzed unable to help himself ascend to the top. Unconsciousness came next... unbeknownst to him, his body fell into the depths of the dark sea.
Immediately I asked myself, "My God! How much air do I have left! How far into the depths of the sea have I descended to?" I once again become conscious of my surroundings. At this point, I had descended so much that I was unable to breath in much needed air. Suddenly, I became aware of the unbearable pressures of the depths of the sea. As I start to become fearful and decide to start to turn back and ascend. Then the diver who had once before helped me stood in my way attempting to discourage me from ascending to the light again. "What is this? Do you not see?", I forcefully tried to exclaimed. Soon it was more obvious to me that he wasn't truly my friend!
This has been what I have experienced while descending into the Abyss and while in the counsel of the ungodly. My dear friend, How about you ? Do you find yourself in the counsel of those who do not strive to walk in light? Those who seek to bring you to deeper depths. Is it time for you to check the depths in which you find yourself? Is it not time for you to stop listening to those who seek to discourage you from ascending that you may see light?
A time will come when the fear, pressure and/or lack of oxygen will bring you to an imminent fall into the darkness of the abyss. I end with this: What does your air gauge reading tells you? Biblical references:
Psalm 1:1 - How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
Isaiah 5:20 - Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
Jeremiah 13:16 - Give glory to the LORD your God, Before He brings darkness And before your feet stumble On the dusky mountains, And while you are hoping for light He makes it into deep darkness, And turns it into gloom.
Isaiah 8:22 - Then they will look to the earth, and behold, distress and darkness, the gloom of anguish; and they will be driven away into darkness.
John 1:5 - The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
So it has been a while! I have not written a blog in about 9 months. And that begs the question, did my journey come to an end?
By no means, I have just been in an abyss and couldn’t find the time to sit back and share about the darkness as well as the light that I have experienced within the abyss I found myself venturing into.
That's right, I said darkness and light. While most think of an abyss as a dark place, there are many small little "creatures" that one comes to encounter. While in total darkness, these tiny little "creatures" seem to light up your path. These tiny reflections of light that are emitted from these creatures bring a sense of hope as one comes to realize that the source of such light must be near.
The experience is similar to a person that is lost within a cave in total darkness and suddenly starts to see a gleam of light... "I see the light at the end of the tunnel!" Some people scream with joy as they know their eyes will see the light of dawn again; their lungs will be filled with a breath of air that is pure and fresh (so long as the tunnel is not by an industrial site!).
Allow me to define what an abyss is; Wikipedia and many other online dictionaries have it as "bottomless", "the bottomless pit". Seems like a place we all have inadvertently ventured into more frequent than we would have liked.
So my journey has brought me to what seems to be my own personal abyss. An abyss where light is scarce and darkness seems to over take even the gloomiest of hopes. However, there is one hope that carries me through, and that is what I refer to as the "source of light". My hope is not in where I am but where I am going… I can decide to give up hope and stay within the darkness of my abyss or I can decide to press on and walk with the hope that the light will come and that it will light my path.
Scripture says:
Romans 8:23 - And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.
Romans 8:24 - For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?
Romans 8:25 - But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
Remember that our Lord is the source of light. He is in whom we find our hope.
To those of you who do not believe in Jesus Christ as their savior all I can say is this, we all have faith in something. Whatever that is, is either real or it is not. I can only speak of my personal experiences and adventures I have had in my walk with God. If you feel there is no hope in your situation, I challenge you to cry out to God and ask Him to come into your live and feel you with hope, faith and love.
I wrote a blog titled "Parenting... A Page Out of the School of Hard Knocks". In it I describe how I have allowed my daughter to learn the hard way. She usually has two options, listen to me and go through it with the hope that I am with her, or do it her way. Her way usually involves her getting into or going through a painful situation and/or experience. These painful experiences in turn bring her crying back to me (or mommy).
Likewise, if you have chosen to do things on your own, I urge you to come to God with your hardship. He will take out the alcohol and clean up your wounds… it will sting! But your wounds will heal! After this process, He will walk with you through whatever situation you may be going through. And just as I did while teaching my daughter how to ride her bike, He will do for you. He will be there to help you up when you fall… to help you get back on the bike and ride on.
More to come on my journey through the abyss!
I have had a lot of friends which took pride in being referred to (or tagged) as "PLAYERS". From the age of 16 to the age of 21, I worked with a special group of guys. Our job title was Beach Lifeguard (LG). Many of these guys were very proud of their "PLAYA" status. To a lot of them, I was an anomaly... there was something wrong with me because I did not take part in the head games that left many girls crying FOUL! Don't get me wrong, I was no saint! I tried it and just couldn't do it! It was not me.
See, as a lifeguard, speaking to good looking girls was not a challenge. All you needed to do was sit on the chair, give them the eye... soon after there was a smile! Then the LG would call to a fellow LG "in hopes" that he will cover the LG chair while he (the original LG) got his "Mack" on.
To give credit to some of the girls that frequented the beach, I have to say that sometimes you got some girls that needed to be courted in order to be "wheeled-in" (sorry for the term, but I need to stay realistic to the lingo that was used by my old buddies). But in the end, it was a relatively easy task. Why? Allow me to explain.
Many of these girls started off on the wrong foot. They allowed themselves to be driven by the "lifeguard" status. Not sure what it was about these girls, but they took pride in saying that they were dating a beach lifeguard. As a result, their senses were, for the most part, dulled out by the time the LG was getting ready to execute his game...
My old buddies would say everything and anything in order to get what they were after. They were confident in knowing that half the battle was already won because of their job title (lifeguard). All that was needed to close the "deal" was for the LG to figure out just enough about the girl to start feeding her ears with words that would make them giggle. It was all about tickling their ears. I'm sure you would have guessed by now that their words were not necessarily genuine... instead, their "pick-up lines" (words) would later become a source of laughter to all of the other guys at the lifeguard station (including me).
Have you ever fallen for someone (or something) because of pre-perceived notion of what it would be like? If so, did you overlooked obvious faults?
Lastly, did you let yourself go and completely let your guard down only to be disappointed? Did you believe in someone (or something) only because it gave you what you wanted rather than what you needed? In other words, did you hear the things that you were looking to hear?
There are a lot of people (Christians and non-Christians alike) who play both of these roles very well. Some religions have taken note of what some "desperate" people are looking for. As a result, they have taken the title of "PLAYA" to a new level... some have taken it to the Christian church while others have taken it to new movements that have been heavily publicized in recent days (e.g think 'Oprah').
I'll opt to concentrate concluding on what I have seen within Christianity. In the Christian church some people have allowed themselves to be "wheeled-in" by some church leaders (and celebrities) that do not preach the gospel; instead, they preach a variation of the gospel or a total different belief.
It seems as if these "leaders" were adviced to:
Leave out all of the details that address self-sacrifice, trials and tribulations, and judgment (to name a few, not a complete set). And to instead, concentrate on the "good" and easy to swallow, scriptures(note the quotes around the word 'good'). Feed their egos, self-image, desires, etc.
The bible says that "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof {rebuke}, for correction, for training in righteousness" (2 Timothy 3:16). Note that it does not say, some Scripture... additionally, the passage notes that Scripture is also meant to be used for correcting.
Friend, please do not let your guard down! Do not allow yourselves to fall into the hands of people that are just feeding your ego and telling you what you want to hear. In other words, do not seek to have someone tickling your ears... feeding you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear.
Scripture says:
2 Timothy 4:3 - I solemnly charge {you} in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom:
2 Timothy 4:2 - preach the word; be ready in season {and} out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.
2 Timothy 4:3 - For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but {wanting} to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires,
2 Timothy 4:4 - and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.
Christians, in my perspective, have a tendency of being the most judgmental people on the face of the earth. Note that I do not exclude myself from this assessment. Oh, and if you do not agree, just Google it!
I have caught myself many times judging people without first taking a deep look at my own personal faults. As I have related in other posts, I turned my back on the church (and subsequently on God) when I was a teenager. I tried to avoid being criticize and scrutinize... I had decided that it was best for me to stay away. That, in turn, opened the doors for me to question my faith...
I couldn't find any biblical references that would justify the manner in which some Christians would go about judging fellow church goers and non-believers (BTW, I still can't find such references). I could find references that showed me the exact opposite. That taught me to love others... that taught me to intercede for the lost. Yes, there are scriptures that reproof and/or rebuke sin... but the emphasis is always on redemption not condemnation.
I myself became very judgemental towards Christians. I was always ready to discredit them. I would often ask them, "Do you know what is the difference between you and me?... that I accept the fact that I am endulging in sin and you do not!".
I knew a lot about these self-ordained judges... I knew they were not adulterers, fornicators, thieves, or murders (the list goes on...). However, they were accusers... gossipers... people who rejoiced when others were persecuted by the body of the church as a result of their doing.
Scripture does not differentiate between adulterers, gossipers and haters of God:
Rom 1:28 - And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,
Rom 1:29 - being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; {they are} gossips,
Rom 1:30 - slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,
Rom 1:31 - without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful;
Rom 1:32 - and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.
What ever happened to God's redeeming power? Condemnation does not lead to repentance... it leads to discouragement! It leads people into the world, to sin, to spiritual death!
Why are we so eager to cast the first stone? Didn't Jesus, while addressing the Pharisees, say in John 8:7, "He who is without sin among you, let him {be the} first to throw a stone at her." The Pharisees wanted to stone a woman that was caught in adultery...
Jesus teaches us that judging is OK... but first, let us take a look at ourselves. Let us also remember God's grace. It is about helping our brethren in their struggles!
If I have a speck in my eye, help me take it off... I'll stand still while you do so. However, please be careful! Do not to damage my eye while you're at it!
Look what the Bible says about judging:
Mat 7:1 - "Do not judge so that you will not be judged.
Mat 7:2 - "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.
Mat 7:3 - "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
Mat 7:4 - "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?
Mat 7:5 - "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
And the following about God's grace:
Rom 5:20 - ...but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,
Rom 5:21 - so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord
Looking back at my childhood, I remember myself with stitches, cuts, road-rash, casts, etc... you name it, I went through it. The most vivid memory comes when I fell off of a tree that was in front of my house... moments before, my mom had told me to stop climbing the tree. Next thing you know... I was face-down, on the ground. Worst of all, I wanted to cry and there were a few girls around! I was soon asking myself why did my mom not make me get off the tree. But next thing you know, I was off to the hospital to get a cast!
My mom would often say "ESTE MUCHACHO ME VA A MATAR DE UN ATAQUE CARDIACO!". That was as a result of the numerous times I ended up with an injury.
She always tried to warn me... however, there were times where she knew her little boy was not going to be heeding to any warnings... during those instances, she would step aside and allow me to fall, break or sprain a bone or ligament... in essence, she would step aside and allow the hardships of life to give me a lesson I rejected to learn from her. To her credit, most of the times she would force me to stop, but I always found a way to register for the latest course offerings at the "School of Hard Knocks".
The problem that would arise soon after an injury was that I would blame my mom for letting me fall or get hurt. What a stubborn little boy I was!
As a parent, I too have employed some parenting from the school of hard knocks. A few months back I was helping my daughter learn how to ride her bike without the training wheels. I noticed that she was ready... she had all the skills needed to ride her bike. However, she was reluctant to do as I would encourage her to do... instead she relied on me. After repeatedly asking her to try to balance herself, I had come to the conclusion that she was not going to balance herself unless she understood what were the consequences of not doing so (balancing)...
So as she rode her bike and smiled... her lovely daddy (that would be me) let her go. She, of course, did not balance herself and went tumbling down onto the ground. Luckily for her (and me too - my wife would have killed me if she had gotten hurt), she veered off to the grass and did not hurt herself.
After the fall, as her daddy did before her, she blamed me for the fall. Go figure! However, by the end of the day, she was riding her bike like Lance Armstrong! She learned how to balance herself on the bike. She was as happy as a little girl can be. Unfortunately, she fell again a couple of days later and has not ridden her bike since! Stay tuned, she will be back on it soon!
I recently wrote about the choices we make in relation to God's sovereignty... there are times when we ourselves need to go through hardship... tough times... because we are reluctant to understand (or acknowledge) the risks associated to our actions.
Too often we forget that we are the root cause of our problems. The hardships of life usually come as a result of our disobedience and disbelief. It has been my experience that acknowledging my wrong doing helps me come to terms with the hardships and realign myself to ensure that I do not repeat the lesson. Who wants to pay tuition for the same course twice???
Were you (or are you still) a student of the School of Hard Knocks? I have the tendency of taking courses sporadically! :-)
Food for thought: Prov 1:29-33 Because they hated knowledge And did not choose the fear of the LORD. 30 "They would not accept my counsel, They spurned all my reproof. 31 "So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way And be satiated with their own devices. 32 "For the waywardness of the naive will kill them, And the complacency of fools will destroy them. 33 "But he who listens to me shall live securely And will be at ease from the dread of evil."
Psa 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, But now I keep Your word.
Psa 119:71 It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.
Eze 33:17 "Yet your fellow citizens say, 'The way of the Lord is not right,' when it is their own way that is not right.
In Part I of Curious About the Benjamins... , I noted that "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" had a long lasting impression in my heart. I also shared the scene in which Benjamin asks Daisy to stand still in front of a mirror because he wants to cherish the moment as it is how he wants the couple to be remembered as. So in this post, I ask:-
Have you arrived at this stage in your life? And, Would you want to?
In my case, it has not happened. That's because I'm always changing, evolving... or better yet, transforming (Romans 12:2) into the person that I am meant to be. I've personally dreamed of being many different things... yet, after achieving my goals, I've always wanted more. Perhaps freezing time would help cherish the achievements for longer periods of time.
Outside of my family life (education, career, interests, sports, etc.) are areas that I have found myself pursuing something that seemed very elusive... yet, in the instances that I thought I attained what I sought after, I would arrive at following question, "is this it?". In all honesty, I've said that about my life as a Christian as well. There is something about us that makes us seek... yet, when we arrive, we are left where we started, empty and in search of fulfillment (perhaps in search of giving meaning to our lives).
Some are constantly changing careers, others move from place to place in an effort to find happiness... while there are others that find themselves searching for romance ("happiness") from person to person. I've been there many times... seeking self-satisfaction to no avail. Always found myself in turmoil. The book of Ecclesiastes notes that everything that is accomplished under the sun is meaningless; it continues by saying that all of our efforts in these regard are nothing but "a chasing after the wind".
Take some time to read the following scripture Ecclesiastes 1:12-2:24.
Mankind is always unfulfilled and always unsatisfied... So again I ask:-
Has that moment come to you? Have you reached the mid-way point of your life where your wants, desires and dreams all line up? Has the moment to stop and admire the synchronicity that best reflects the person that you were yesterday, today and "forever"? Or, do you continue "chasing after the wind"?
Psalms 20:4 - May He [the LORD] grant you your heart's desire And fulfill all your counsel!
Psalms 20:5 - We will sing for joy over your victory, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.
I'm not the most sensitive person in the world... actually, I am not sensitive at all. I'm not easily impressed or moved. My wife sometimes says that I come across as a hardhearted person, which is far from the truth.
Yet, to my surprise, there have been instances when I have been moved... yet others, that have the tendency of being on the sensitive side, have not. Recently, I told a couple of friends about the long lasting impression a movie left in my heart. The movie's title is, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button".
This post will be Part I of a series (two or three posts - might not come in sequence). Hope you are able to reflect on them!
This movie has very good thought provoking scenes (some scenes just have lines that are very profound). One scene that comes to mind is when they both reach the age of 40 (give or take)... Benjamin asks Daisy to stand still in front of a mirror because he wants to cherish the moment as it is how he wants the couple to be remembered as.
As a father, I've been tempted to say, "Oh, if I can relive my daughter's first steps again!"... "If my daughter would stay in this stage forever". But then I start to think that if I had it my way, I would then miss out on many other parental experiences; for example: - First day of Kindergarten
- Lost tooth
- First grade (or second, third, etc.) recital
- High-school graduation
So I conclude, perhaps is best to cherish each day with my daughter as if it was the day I want her and I to remember most. Though I must admit, I'm not always very successful at maintaining this mind-set.
Scripture states the following in the Book of James:
James 4:13 - Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit."
James 4:14 - Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are {just} a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
James 4:15 - Instead, {you ought} to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that."
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