Looking back at my childhood, I remember myself with stitches, cuts, road-rash, casts, etc... you name it, I went through it. The most vivid memory comes when I fell off of a tree that was in front of my house... moments before, my mom had told me to stop climbing the tree. Next thing you know... I was face-down, on the ground. Worst of all, I wanted to cry and there were a few girls around! I was soon asking myself why did my mom not make me get off the tree. But next thing you know, I was off to the hospital to get a cast!My mom would often say "ESTE MUCHACHO ME VA A MATAR DE UN ATAQUE CARDIACO!". That was as a result of the numerous times I ended up with an injury.
She always tried to warn me... however, there were times where she knew her little boy was not going to be heeding to any warnings... during those instances, she would step aside and allow me to fall, break or sprain a bone or ligament... in essence, she would step aside and allow the hardships of life to give me a lesson I rejected to learn from her. To her credit, most of the times she would force me to stop, but I always found a way to register for the latest course offerings at the "School of Hard Knocks".
The problem that would arise soon after an injury was that I would blame my mom for letting me fall or get hurt. What a stubborn little boy I was!
As a parent, I too have employed some parenting from the school of hard knocks. A few months back I was helping my daughter learn how to ride her bike without the training wheels. I noticed that she was ready... she had all the skills needed to ride her bike. However, she was reluctant to do as I would encourage her to do... instead she relied on me. After repeatedly asking her to try to balance herself, I had come to the conclusion that she was not going to balance herself unless she understood what were the consequences of not doing so (balancing)...
So as she rode her bike and smiled... her lovely daddy (that would be me) let her go. She, of course, did not balance herself and went tumbling down onto the ground. Luckily for her (and me too - my wife would have killed me if she had gotten hurt), she veered off to the grass and did not hurt herself.
After the fall, as her daddy did before her, she blamed me for the fall. Go figure! However, by the end of the day, she was riding her bike like Lance Armstrong! She learned how to balance herself on the bike. She was as happy as a little girl can be. Unfortunately, she fell again a couple of days later and has not ridden her bike since! Stay tuned, she will be back on it soon!
I recently wrote about the choices we make in relation to God's sovereignty... there are times when we ourselves need to go through hardship... tough times... because we are reluctant to understand (or acknowledge) the risks associated to our actions.
Too often we forget that we are the root cause of our problems. The hardships of life usually come as a result of our disobedience and disbelief. It has been my experience that acknowledging my wrong doing helps me come to terms with the hardships and realign myself to ensure that I do not repeat the lesson. Who wants to pay tuition for the same course twice???
Were you (or are you still) a student of the School of Hard Knocks? I have the tendency of taking courses sporadically! :-)
Food for thought:
Prov 1:29-33 Because they hated knowledge And did not choose the fear of the LORD. 30 "They would not accept my counsel, They spurned all my reproof. 31 "So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way And be satiated with their own devices. 32 "For the waywardness of the naive will kill them, And the complacency of fools will destroy them. 33 "But he who listens to me shall live securely And will be at ease from the dread of evil."
Psa 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, But now I keep Your word.
Psa 119:71 It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.
Eze 33:17 "Yet your fellow citizens say, 'The way of the Lord is not right,' when it is their own way that is not right.
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I love how God sets up the relationship between a parent and their child to parallel the relationship he has with us. If i decide to have children one day, I cannot wait to see that relationship in my own life : )
ReplyDeleteIt is a blessing! It brings a lot of things into perspective.
ReplyDeleteMatthew 7:9
I didn't know that S was riding her bike without training wheels!!!! That's great!!!! I should really teach Bunny. We're renting bikes when we're in cape may, which may just be the perfect opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI DEFINITELY was parented the way you're writing about here. I don't do the same thing. Do you feel that V shares this parenting style with you? If not, how do you balance the differing styles?
I'm a very "she'll do it when she's good and ready" parent. This is why I still lay in bed with my kids, don't force them to go on carnival rides, don't force them to eat things and never expected either of them to cry it out. I might be the mom, but I am not the queen. They have their own bodies and even at 4 and 5 years old... I respect that they know their own boundaries.
In most ways, I think that I'm just lucky because my kids have happened to be very easy going. I've never had to push them or let them fall. If that weren't the case... this may be a very different comment and I realize that!
On the flip side of things, I am not quick to run to the rescue. I'm the sort of person who will say that something is dangerous. If my children don't listen to my words, I will not run over to save them from a fall unless one of them could get seriously hurt. And if they do fall, I'm the first one to say, "it was your choice..." I find that my kids really hear my warnings (Bunny more than Lila) for this reason.
Yes! S started ridding her bike without training wheels. I just took them off and told her she was ready! My encouragements tend to come as commands! However, she refuses to ride it now... she fell in front of the house and says she can only ride it in the park. :)
ReplyDeleteV's parenting (in this regard) is pretty close to mine. As a mother, she is a bit more protective than I am. I want S to have a thick skin and to be use to facing situations that she might not feel capable of doing. I also like to encourage her and accept the fact that she might fail; I'm actually pretty big on that.
Life throws at us many situations... some of which we need to tackle head on. And some of which we fail at... even after tackling them head on. My attitude towards that is "well... just get up and shake the dust off and get back on it.
From your comments, I take it that you do not force your kids to do things and allow them to make their own choice... but when they do make that choice, they need to live with the consequences... To some degree, it is similar. However, put the following in perspective:
"Parent birds begin to teach their fledglings the importance of flying by remaining a short distance away from the nest during feeding. If the young birds are to survive, they must step away from the nest. Frequently, this means a few hard falls to the ground followed a long trip back to the safety of the nest... Some species actually adopt a tough love policy, leaving the fledglings alone to develop their own flying instincts." as noted in WiseGeek.com.
Not that we should be like birds! Just an analogy. :)